Diary

March Drama: Focusing on the main source of anxiety and overdoing it

Montly DramaWork is the main source of my anxiety, frustration and anger. And as I sit here on my bed allowing my fingers to dance on the keyboard to the rhythm of my emotion, I let my thoughts overflow and there’s no plan of holding back, controlling the words and thinking twice as I type.

The reasons I have to put focus on my work and place it on the third month of the year are:
First, I have to put it towards the end of the first quarter of the year because the target was to excel before second quarter kicks in. And second, I don’t want to put too much pressure on this area without warming-up the other areas that may trigger this frustration to boil.

Work has been a frustration simply because I want to prove people that the choice is not just because I got scared about the first option, but because this is where I am comfortable with and this is because I feel where happiness is. But by putting too much pressure about proving people wrong about their judgement towards my choice, I have been secretly trying harder and harder everyday to get into the goal.

I have told my self that number 6 and up are not numbers, and my name should not be placed beside them. I have been slaying the people in my mind to get into the top and secretly wishing for their failure.

I have been working out my self too much and forgot about what fun is in a compitition, and how should I compete with people. I have been forgetting about my January resolutions because I have been focusing too much on hitting the March target, which left other resolutions behind.

It is disappointing. I was able to work on my January to February resolution and succeed on keeping them, only until March came in. I thought I am already taking things one step at a time, but only to realize I no longer am. If there is a need for yoga, should I yoga? If there is a class for anger management, should I enroll? Frustration. Anxiety. Anger. I don’t how to to handle them anymore. Someone must tell me how to, or I’ll fail working on this part here for the rest of my life.

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