Hi! I’m Kat, 23, sometimes happy with my job, most of the times not but working on it. Married? I wish to someday. In a relationship? No. Although lately my family which includes my parents have been asking me when I’m going to introduce them to a guy, and my very patient answer is “soon…”
So why I’m still single? It took me probably a year or so before I finally realize that some of my cousins are already married, most of my friends already have kids and my crazy little ego says she feels left behind by her generation- well, sometimes. So I figured out, why not make a list of the possible reasons I’m left behind that my friends would deny or decided not to tell me in the fear that I might block them on facebook.
Scared of first dates
I am the most boring person men would ever date. I don’t know how to start a conversation and I’ve no idea how to keep the ball rollin’. I seldom ask questions and respond lamely. I’m very awkward around “special” guys (aka not just one of those silly friends I have).
Dancin’ to Desperation Tango in a Ninja way
Here’s what an intro-slash-extrovert kind of girl I am: When I really like someone heaven knows I sometimes exaggerate this by thinking I’m in-love when I’m not, I send them a “love email” with an anonymous identity. I used to send letters to my crushes back in high school but sending letters is so vintage with the kind of technology we have now. Routine check: the last time I did this was 2 years ago.
I also stalk my crushes on facebook, even google their names just so you-know, for the sake of “researching”, so I could get to know them better in a “safer way”.
I honestly don’t know how to flirt like other girls do. My kind of crush-flirting: Throw jokes when friends are around and shy away when all alone with crush. I’m even scared to be the first to say “hi”. Which my friends think is so high school.
First-o-phobia (The fear of firsts)
… like first holding hands. Jeez, my hands would be as cold as Antarctica, although I don’t sweat but because I’d be frozen like ice, it is still embarrassing.
First hug can also be awkward the more with first kiss. Undeniably, I have kissed guys in the past, but you know that feeling of kissing the guy for the first time. Don’t you?
Pick & Mix
My preferences toward guys depend really with I don’t know-I’m not sure. One day I’m eyeing the guy next to me. The other day, I’d like to you-know-that-feeling, sleep with the thirty six year old gent at work. And the next day, I’m having a crush with a bisexual or with a gay.
My kind of relationship though, if I may say so (just because I have been listing them cause am really figuring out why the hell am still single) is accepting the differences, enjoying the similarities and understanding the weirdness of each other.
I have Genphobia
Yes. Do need to elaborate? Haha!
Therefore, I’m scared of firsts. I may have had puppy loves in high school, embarrassed my self in front of my crush by admitting the feelings, kissed a guy for the sake of revenge, but I never had a relationship that many girls have and had.
Am I sorry with being stuck in this traffic when there are alternative ways to skip the long wait? Nope. Am I lonely with being alone? Scrap alone. I’m only single but that doesn’t mean I’m alone (my dear friends will kill me. Haha!). I’m happy and not in a hurry. I may wonder sometimes specially at night (insert me on the windowpane at night while the cool wind blows) and think there’s something ugly with me that I might need to change.
Whatever the reasons for your single-hood, be happy. Not everyone have this privilege, you know. 🙂
Cover Photo from: girlwiththafro.wordpress.com