Finding Forever in Lilo-an

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“Today is all about love.” The priest began after his greetings.  The altar shimmered in the glittered gold paint that I find really magnificent. And although it is somewhat disconnected from the old architecture and unpainted walls of the church, the thought of it being the only renovated area of the place amazes me.

Perfect! I told myself after hearing the priest’s words. I didn’t have any concrete plans of going out of the city, but then this morning my feet were really itchy. And riding to this town and attending a mass with a homily like this is certainly perfect.

He continued by sharing stories about two women who came to him to open-up about their marriage crisis. “Our love is pre-conditioned.” He then said concluding, I believe. “There are but’s and if’s.” And I nod in agreement of course.

Indeed, even married people’s love fade as they age, which I think isn’t right. I totally agree with him that we must love even more and show our affection as we age. There should be no space for “we’re too old for this, too old for that”. The older we get, the more our love should get deeper. It’s just quiet sad and disappointing most of the times  that even after the promises of “till death do us part” in front of everyone, in the name of God, some gets tired of loving the other half and some even realize how bad the other person is. I leaned back against the chair and looked at the middle-aged couple seated next to me. Both of them smiling. Probably, agreeing with each word that the priest is saying.  And I thought: if I am to be tied with a man, I would not want us to wait until we live under the same roof to realize those little things that might disgust us. But I realize, even if a man’s love to woman is pre-conditioned, if I embrace God’s love; I will never suffer the torment of being unloved by a man, for God’s love is unconditional and universal.

I continued to feel a twitch in my heart like electric currents as the priest continued his homily. It must be the coffee I drank this morning. I thought. I looked at his face trying to get back to the moment and ignore the funny feeling. His eyes glimmered like the painted altar and then the following words brought tears to my eyes… “There is FOREVER in love because there is God!”  And therefore, it’s not about the coffee.

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After a long walk exploring the resort, I sat on the table at a restaurant in Papa Kits and smiled down at my feet. “Tired little spoiled brats?” I asked. I love talking to myself and I hope the man to fall for me will find this behavior cute. After all, isn’t he supposed to love me for who I am?

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It was past seven when I decided to go back to the city. In the jeepney I sat next to a couple. “Should I feel bad about this?” I thought and suddenly I really felt bad to know there is forever in love. “But you just came from the church, Kat! And come on, be happy for the two!” I reminded myself. I looked at them again. The girl is inhaling a white flower. Hah! If this guy loves travelling, this relationship won’t last. I then started to over think things and as if reading or hearing my mind, the girl leaned her head on his shoulder. I shut my head off.

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