Writing Attempts

What did the witch just do to me?

After reading Paulo Coelho’s the Witch of Portbello, I’ve realized that all I just need is courage. A courage to believe in myself and pursue the personal legend I have found while reading The Alchemist.

When I was a kid, during frustrating times, all I would do is to go near the river and think: “what if I were to jump into the water and later on decide that I wanted to live instead of die? Should I follow the flow of the water? Or should I swim against the current for me to survive?” As a kid, I would be clueless and would end up going home instead of jumping in. This became a habit. Whenever I feel hopeless, I would go near the river, think of the same thing, and do the same thing.

When I was in college, I’ve realized that my decision for survival would depend on the water. If the current is too swift, I may just want to follow the flow until I am washed into a shore or an island- or until a fisherman sees me. But if the water seemed to be still, I might want to paddle my hands and feet against the normal direction of the water. Maybe not the best thinking but I have understood it myself.

So after a few months of preparation for the big dream challenge, I quit from my current job and decided to share the decision to the world. I received encouraging and inspiring comments from the readers and the post was featured in WordPress.I was in a state of euphoria and fear. Fear that I might fail on this journey. But then again, all I need is the courage to believe that I CAN DO THIS.

I flew from Cebu to Manila to study Literature in the University of the Philippines Deliman. When I passed the entrance exams, I thought: “hey! See! You did it!”

While studying, I worked as a part-time ESL teacher to support my daily needs.

My career break was when I posted a blog entitled: “Dreams. Faith and Paulo Coelho”, which tells my story about realizing my dreams and believing in myself all because of reading his books. The readers loved this even more and even Sir Paulo himself shared his thoughts about the post on his website.

A month later, a publishing company called me asking me to write a book. Yes, finally! And of course I said yes without a single doubt.

The process of course was tough all because I am a first timer in writing a book and it’s quite different from just writing for my blog. Also, I am not yet even on my second semester and I’m already doing something big! But I surpassed that challenge. I was able to publish a book that tells a tale of a young dreamer who didn’t give up on her dreams despite of so many obstacles. The book was loved and sold thousands of copies in the country. It even had a movie adaptation. The demand of the book reached outside the country and it sold another amazing numbers internationally.

I was in my third year when I decided I wanted to write something more about myself. An autobiography to be exact- with the hopes to inspire others and the universe. And so, I went to Japan during my summer vacation and rented a room in Nagoya. I enjoyed the rich Japanese culture, discovered more about their tradition, learned their language, and loved the country’s beauty while writing my story. The book was published with a title: “Love. Dreams. L’Arc~en~Ciel and being a Filipino”.

Believe it or not, that book sold thousands and thousands of copies around the world and was even translated to 3 different languages: Japanese, Korean and Chinese.

That book was my road to a celebrity life. I was able to go to the concerts of my favorite artists with VIP pass, invited for a coffee or tea and made friends with them. I didn’t know it was possible! You can certainly get up close and even more personal with your idol! I was able to meet the very lovely couple: Hyde and Megumi and had a long chat. That was when I decided I want to write a novel about love. And that novel will be entitled: Jojoushi. Well, Hitomi Nu Jyunin was my favorite Laruku song. But for some reasons, while talking to the couple, it seemed that Jojoushi was the song playing at the back of my mind while the two shared a smile at each other.

I lived in Japan to write and in the Philippines to continue my studies. I was happy with the set up, with the friends I have, my family, my mentors and my readers. All of these seemed to occupy my heart. Until one night, alone in my rented room in Quezon City, I realized a space somewhere. It must be the coldness of a July night. Probably, the rain outside or merely just the loneliness I didn’t see until that night.

I have friends and a family who love me and are always there for me for better or for worse. Readers and mentors who continue to support me even if sometimes I’m not agreeable (maybe because they understand that we cannot please everybody, all the time). And above all, I have a God who never forgets to give me options on how my prayers will be answered and makes me believe in forever. Okay, it might not be about the weather. It is probably being a woman wanting a man to caress her at … heaven forgive… times like these.

I closed my eyes not to imagine a man beside me but to erase the thought away. I went to my small kitchen, made some tea and went to bed still trying to forget the emptiness I just felt at that time. On the same night though, I dreamed about this man. A man wearing a tux, shyly smiling at me. I know that face because I’ve seen it many times. But why him? He was extending his arm offering me his hand and I thought, okay is this desire? But it should not be him! No, I am not dreaming about Satoh Takeru! I panicked and opened my eyes as soon as I can.

My alarm was buzzing when I woke up, I picked up the phone and checked the time: 12:00AM. Okay, that is a sure thing that I am no longer dreaming. But of course I wanted to make sure. So I got off the bed, switched on the lights and saw my sisters sleeping. Now, I am certain that I am no longer in that dimension. I took a shower, get dressed and went to work.

I sat on my desk, staring at my computer screen and wonder why I have to dream about Takeru-kun? Realizing I will never get an answer, I looked at the time and it was 1:00AM. I took a deep breath, logged in to my computer and told myself: “Confirmed. You’re back to reality!”

Everything was just a dream…

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