I’ve been here sitting by this riverbank with enormous bridges all facing to the same direction but I wonder if all would lead me to the same destination. I am stuck at the opposite land looking confusingly at the other one, thinking whether all of these bridges lead me to the same place.

I’ve been here for quite a while now and I still haven’t tried any of these bridges. Every time I would attempt to step my foot on one of them, I always feel scared about what might be waiting for me at the other end. If only there’s a way to see what lies ahead. If only there’s a way to know where each of them lead… But there isn’t… unless I cross. So instead of making up my mind, I sit on the ground, trying to figure out which bridge to take and what do I need to expect to avoid frustration. But fear will blind me whenever I come up with a decision.  I have a lot of worries. What if I take the wrong one? What should I do if that happens? Can I go back and try another bridge? Is trial and error method possible in this situation?  How many chances do I have until I found the right bridge?

And then I would ask myself over and over:  how many “final” decisions do I have to make before taking it? How much time do I need to waste thinking about the pros and cons?  How frustrated do I have to become before I call it “enough”? When will I give myself the “right now”?

I always say: “When in doubt just do it”. But why I don’t always follow this. And now, sitting on the ground, I think, draw plans, overthink and repeat. When will this cycle end? That’s another question.

Advertisements