Shoot a video of me? You can shoot me instead!
I have discovered vlogging around 2009 during our thesis period. I am used to hosting school events thus; public speaking is not a major problem to me. However, no matter how confident I was in speaking, I have felt that I needed to see myself speaking and facing the mirror wasn’t much of a help. So, I’ve decided to take a video of myself speaking.
At first, I felt successful because my friends liked that video and I’ve received good feedback from my Teachers who saw the video. Why did I need to do it? That was the time of our Thesis defense and I thought of practicing my facial expressions just so, I won’t be obvious when I’m shocked, scared, nervous or lying.
During those times, I’ve tried vlogging about makeup, inspired by Michelle Phan. Right now I feel strange whenever I see those videos. It’s pretty difficult not to criticize myself. What’s more, I also get irritated about how “pa-bebe” I am, how flat my nose is, how oily my face is and how ugly I am.
I am okay hearing myself speaking. In fact, I feel very proud whenever I hear a recording of my voice. Now, when I see my old videos, I feel like deleting all of them. But then, it’s been a long time since I’ve accessed the accounts that I already forgot the password and the email addresses I used!
I still try to take a video of myself though, but I easily get annoyed and I had to re-take the video many times before deciding to upload or just delete it.
*pa-bebe: acting like a pretty girl; flirtatious