Diary

Here’s how it looks so far…

 

It feels just good to let your hair down, let the warm breeze pass through the strands while the waves hit the rocks with their music. I hope I am making sense so far…

The past six weeks of my life had been challenging me to the point of telling me to give up- which I almost did, by the way. I could hardly tell whether it is my pride and ego telling me that all my decisions had been worthless – that I am not getting any better at all, or is it just the way that I am put into a test?

I’ve been told so many times not to make any decision while my emotions are too high. To control the situation instead of the other way around. To assess the events and filter the pros and cons. To look at the other side of the coin. Surely, I’ve scolded myself many times as I try my hardest to let those short reminders sync in my head and do them- or at least, one of them. Trust me, I did- I always do. But I’m not gonna lie; I needed a little push or more from people.

All my life, I’ve tried to master the power of keeping my problems too personal. Honestly, no matter how private I can be in person, I am nearly the opposite online. Maybe it is the influence of the evolution of social media or it’s just my desire to be understood … OR both.

I only open up to a few people and I’ve learned to save some little secrets for me. But when the going gets tough, the tough gets her friends and tell the story. Recently though, for the second time, I just let my emotions take over everything and talk to a few, new folks. Not just because I trust them, but because I know somehow at some point in time, they will be affected by my behavior. I’m just trying to be considerate, you know. Haha!

I was seventeen when I realized that it‘s a suicide attempt to keep my problems to myself. That keeping them will not help me resolve them. That a talk with a few trusted people can help me unload the burden. That even if they just hear me out will totally help me. And so, I stopped to be a hero without a sidekick.

It really feels great when you have a few people to talk to about your dramas. People who are willing to hear you out. People who will be there, ready to lend their ears and shoulders. Haaaaaahhhh… Life is indeed good when you have friends around. Do you know that? 😀

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