Bookworm: Always Guilty. Sometimes Annoyed

I read a lot. And some people often mistakenly take me as a highly intellect biatch because I read various kinds of reading materials. While in reality,  my brain cells malfunction from time to time; I look at numbers like Chinese characters; I say stupid things; my English and even my Tagalog aren’t perfect. I react to things childishly and I make immature decisions. Well, that’s just me complaining about how some people look at me like a walking Almanac of some sort.

I am in another stage of my life where I want to take a big leap but I couldn’t muster a courage to jump. I’ve started re-reading the books which helped me some years ago- from Paulo Coelho to Gretchen Rubin to Kryz Uy and a website like Brave Girls Club.  But I’m still in a need to find that one material that will push me harder. A book or an article that will tell me in full detail how to make the greatest decision in life.

I’ll be honest, I just don’t read books. I depend on them in times when I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I turn the pages and hoard the shelves in the bookstores. One of Gretchen Rubin’s Secrets to Adulthood is: “Most decisions don’t require research.” And although no matter how much I deny that reading isn’t researching, it eventually is. I don’t trust my heart right away. I don’t follow my instinct all the time. You see, I have trust issues even with myself. I have to read to confirm  that what I am thinking is right. That what I’ll be doing is a foolproof. And I’ll expect more than what I should really be.

This is yet another time of my life when I both hate and love my so-called passion for reading. Really, I must first trust my heart more than the books I read. But then again, I am yet to learn this.



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